an evaluation of my life

i remember watching disney movies when i was little and wanting to meet my aladdin or my prince eric. i'm still waiting. but now i'm more interested in a joe morelli or a ricardo carlos manoso (aka: ranger). people tell me its just a phase but some phases last a life time. i always thought i would live in a world of fashion and creativity. but i find my self wanting to be in a different world. one where i stand up for my self more. instead of just standing up for other people, which i love to do. but also i want to be in a world where there is order. i think about how i want to spend my life and i find myself telling me "oh, no you can't do fashion! you would be traveling to paris, london" if i travel i can't  keep my brother out of a group home. "oh, no you can't do anthypolgy! you can't travel to egypt and go on digs and discover pharos or Egyptian queens"

i have to stay for my brother. i can't go into photography because i would always want to go to africa and take photos for national geographic. i feel one of my only options is law, i could become a special ed advocate. where i could stay with my brother and help him at the same time. one thing i would love to be is a mommy! but i feel like i'm running out of time. my parents are still alive and they take car of my brother. but the had me in their early forties so i'm running out of time. i feel like i will never be able to have  a social life with me being my brothers primary care giver. so how can i start a family of my own with out out a social life. i guess i just really want to me my price charming. who can sweep  me away form my life but still help me stay connected. some people who might read this might think that i've gone crazy and if my mom ever read this i would never hear the end of a sex talk! i just want to be happy and most little girls are cloned to think that "OH, i want to be a mommy when i grow up" we're given baby dolls. where we could swaddle them and feed them and even change there diapers! we're given play houses where we could be like 1950's house wives talking care of the home and the children. we get ez-bake ovens where we learn how to make treats for our sweethearts.